Updated: Sep 6
We are taught at a young age (especially girls), on what we should do vs what we shouldn't do, what we should wear, how we should act and what are bodies should look like. The list goes on and on. This carries on into adulthood as well. Once we finish high school, you either go to college and find a career or you start working right away. You then get married, buy a house, have children and start your own family. This so called "rule" has been instilled in us for centuries. But who’s making those rules? And, are following all of these social norms actually helping us? I remember writing in my high school year book, answering the infamous question..."where do you see yourself in ten years"? My automatic response was, having a career, getting marriage, having kids, and being happy. Like it's that simple! Well, I guess for some people it is that simple. In any case, I've always disliked that question. There is nothing wrong with having future goals, how about we focus on a year to year basis and not a decade. Looking back now, my response would have been simple. Being happy! That is the only thing I have control over.
Living in the era of social media, everything is right in front of your face. Someone's "perfect" house, spouse, kids, career and so on and so on. I can't help myself at times but to be envious. Why do they get to have that and I don't? I associated all those things with happiness, or I use to anyway. I deleted my FB account and I even avoided going to my high school reunion. I was embarrassed of being single and not having any of what I believed, "I should have" in order to feel fulfilled. What would I even talk about with these people? My path is a different one. It took me a long time to even change my thinking on this, but I'm slowly getting there.
Such a perfect quote! I have this habit of allowing society dictate my life. Just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I have to be a wife or a mother. Needless to say, It doesn't mean I'm not a nurturer either, because I very much am. Have I ever wanted to get married? Yes! Would I still? Yes! It just hasn't happened yet. Am I still happy? Yes! We all want a companion and to find love from a partner but it also won't kill me If I don't. There have been times where I felt "I should be" in a relationship instead of "I want to be" in a relationship. Big difference! I also never
had a deep yearning to have children. I didn't have "my clock is ticking" feeling. Did I ever want children? I honestly don't know. When I was younger I imagined I would have them because it's something you do. Do I want children now at 42? Nope!! Honestly, I enjoy not having that responsibility. I also enjoy my freedom very much. These roles are also not my only purpose to have in life. I would tell myself often that I had no purpose because I didn't fall into any of these certain role types.
Several months ago I went out with two of my single girlfriends. One never married and no kids, the other divorced with two adult kids. We were having dinner and drinks while discussing our dating stories. The one friend turns to my other friend who was in the same situation as me and says, "you will find your person." Then she turns to me and says, "I would say the same to you but it doesn't seem like you care." I was kind of insulted at first but the more I thought about it, the more she's actually right. It's not that I don't care, it's more so that, it is what it is because it's not in my control. Why would I allow myself to keep stressing about something I have no control over? The only reason I was stressing about it prior, was simply because I was caring to much about what people thought. At the end of the day, all I want is health, happiness, joy, and love!