The Dating Game...

Puppy Love...

It all starts in our teens where it's all semi-innocent and easier because we were surrounded by teenagers with raging hormones. You would meet in school or through friends. No one was married yet and the selection was right there. It was all fun and games until the moment you experience your first heartbreak.

My first boyfriend was at the age of 19, he was my prom date and my first everything really. Good old fashioned puppy love! I wanted to spend every second with him. He had an unfortunate upbringing which is why he acted the way he did. He was either drunk, high, or on some type of narcotic. His home life was a mess! I would often stay at his house and it was abnormal and chaotic to say the least. For some reason I enjoyed it because it was different and exciting. After 4 years of on and off again and lots of poor decision making on his part. One of those decisions in particular involved impregnating another girl. That was the final straw and it ended. You can only fool someone so many times before you end up being the fool yourself. As the old saying goes, "a leopard does not change it's spots."

The Roaring 20's...

In your 20's it's still fairly easy because there were collage parties, bars and clubs. Living at a collage dorm was so much fun and the dating pool was super high. I didn't get to indulge as much since I was with my high school boyfriend at that time, making the long-distance thing work and all. The bars/night clubs, in my opinion, were not good places to meet decent people unless you were looking for a hook up (to each their own, I don't judge).

Once my high school boyfriend fizzled out, I started a short relationship with a good friend of mine. My roommate at the time moved to Vegas and he ended up moving in with me. That definitely was not a good call on our part. To this day I believe he was one of my soul mates, but we were both still growing up and for us, we were growing apart. We both ruined that relationship in our own way. Between jealousy, insecurity and high expectations, it blew up. We did, however, reconnect years later at my 30th birthday celebration and he ended up being my plus one for two of our friends' weddings. Unfortunately for us to rekindle, ended up being bad timing. I was truly saddened! 😞

By the time I was 24, I was already using online dating where I met police guy, instead of flowers he gave me mace as a gift (long story). Poor guy didn't know me all that well to give me such a weapon. Since I had it on my keychain, I accidently maced myself! I can protest though that it actually DOES work! 😂

The ghost guy, we had two dates and poof he disappeared. I must say this one had a strange relationship with his "sister", or so he said it was his sister.

Lawyer guy, this one I've known for several years as friends, and it was just weird and awkward. More so for me then him.

Then I meet another boyfriend, through Match.com. My first and only military guy. He didn't want to get married or have any more children (he had one already). That should have been my escape because the hidden message in that statement screamed, he didn't want that with me. Apparently though I took it as, "maybe he will change his mind." Guess what, he didn't (shocker right?). The upside, I attended a military ball and dressed up in a beautiful gown! 🤩 I also had the opportunity to travel to Texas and New Mexico. Once this relationship ended (by him via email) I guess, in his defense he was stationed overseas and not allowed to use an actual phone but apparently a computer was perfectly fine.

At 27 it was back to the dating game. Just to name a few that stick out in no particular order...another cop guy, this one just freaked me out. He used his cop privileges to find out where I lived. He believed that would impress me but all it really did, was make me run for the hills! There was picnic guy, super nice but no attraction. Sex fein guy, no description needed for this one. Paramedic guy, this one I liked. I met him through a friend of mine. Turns out he was anti-commitment and emotionally unavailable. Which explains why I was attracted to him. Dog lover guy, he was very sweet, and I was into him but oddly nothing came out of it. His vibe came across as not looking for a romantic partner. Maybe he was also emotionally unavailable. UPS guy, we were both into each other but once again he was emotionally unavailable. Are you seeing a pattern yet? 😩

Dirty Thirty...

At 31, a girl friend of mine decided to play matchmaker and set me up with her husband's cousin. It was told by said cousin that he was single and no longer in a relationship. He didn't live in the area, so we began a long-distance relationship. It seemed like the real deal until the cat came out of the bag. He was still in a long-term relationship and living with her. He's such a narcissist, that he even came to visit me a few times using his girlfriend's car! Work trips my a$$! This one was a real piece of work. No loss there!

at 34 I meet someone off of Plenty of Fish. Ahhh yes, the digital age dating. The name alone makes you want to jump off a bridge(ha-ha). Anyway, this relationship moves rather quickly. Nine months in and we're moved in together. In my opinion we did it more for convenience. I needed a place to live and so did he. The both of us were very opposite in many ways. Looking back on it, we were not a good match. He didn't want a marriage or children. I was honestly in agreement with the children part, but marriage? To me, that sounds like commitment phobia. Even the thought of buying a house was too much for him! As he always said, he's a free spirit 🙄. He would often make snarky remarks about my heritage. That did not sit well with me. Neither of us could give what the other wanted. Towards the end, we acted more like roommates than a couple. He is truly the type that will never get married to anyone! So, we go our separate ways. Well, not right away, we did still continue to "hang out", which was not the best idea. He was acting like nothing changed between us when in reality everything changed. We were both holding on for different reasons and those reasons became not good enough for me anymore.

From age 37 until now I've been single, which has been four years. For a good part of 3 years, I did not date anyone. I would chat here and there with guys but that was it. I went through a "feeling sorry for myself" stage. During Covid, I was deprived from human contact and decided to once again browse the dating sites. I met a techy entrepreneur and we automatically hit it off. The hype on Covid was very high so we never met in person. We chatted on the phone for hours and we would text endlessly. He was stuck here for work because of Covid. His home state was hours away (red flag). I would get these care packages delivered from him but after a while I was getting inpatient, I wanted to meet already. That day never came due to being ghosted out of the blue. Just like Houdini, poof he's gone! Since we actually never met in person, it didn't affect me that badly. I'm guessing there's a likely possibility he was married 😒.

Hello Forty....

Now at age 41, I'm back into the dating game. Oh, what fun! I've flipped the switch in my brain. Looking at it in a different way. No expectations (still working on this one) and taking it as it comes. Most importantly just have fun! Diving into my inner personal growth and recognizing the patterns. My dating experience thus far has been and again in no particular order as follows: Newley out of relationship guy, everything about this one screamed rebound. You do not want to be the one who swoops in right after a separation, divorce or failed relationship. Hell to the NO!

Fireman guy with a 90's mullet (which ironically, he pulled off) had a weird and twisted on/off again relationship with his baby's mama. He was forthcoming about it all and laid it all out on the table. Good luck with baby mama! ✌

Manager guy and musician guy, nice guys but unfortunately no connection there on my part. Italian Donny Walberg guy, who actually dated a good friend of mine and really liked her so that just made it extremely awkward. He would have been a good fit on the Sopranos series.

Last but not least, doesn't want to rush into a relationship guy, this one threw me for a loop. I 100% misread the signals (this was all on me). His words and actions did not align. In this case words matter above actions. Ladies and gents when they say they do not want to rush into anything, don't take that as an invitation to wait in their waiting room.

So, as we got closer, I asked the simple question are we dating? That was all I wanted to know. Neither him nor I were seeing anyone else. I figured it was a good time to ask. Either way, I got my answer. Seeing how dating can lead to a potential relationship (which is the whole point of dating) I guess putting a label on it wouldn't have done us any good.

Speak Your Truth...

I want to be included in that person's priority list. When you're not, that speaks volumes to where you stand with them. I will not beg or plead. I'll simply walk away...I want to be included on someone's priority list because that's where they want me, not out of guilt or desperation. I've already put myself on the back burner which explains why others do as well. The way you see yourself and treat yourself is an example of how you want others to treat you. Relationships where there is constant fighting, who are on/off again, who are unfaithful and who are toxic for each other is something that does not interest me in the least bit. For some reason people gravitate to that, like it fuels the relationship and makes it exciting. For me, that just seems completely insane and shows a lack of self respect.

My patterns have involved emotionally unavailable men and putting myself last.

This is what I've recognized and will be continuing to work on. These patterns say more about me than anything else. It all stems from fear. Fear of getting hurt, abandoned, letting myself be happy, saying no, saying yes, being myself, speaking up, and being vulnerable. Which all stems down to the fear of the unknown! With that fear comes self-sabotage. As uncomfortable it may be, I am acknowledging it, learning from it and letting go! I want greatness for myself which I deserve!! And so do YOU! ❤❤